Chapter 7.)
Memories Of Being In The Twilight Zone.
When Tye and I left the Intensive Care part of the hospital, there were people that I had met along the way in ICU. These people that had loved ones in Intensive Care that were healing at the same time as my son was. Everyday people, just like you and me, had been called on the phone and told that their loved one was hurt or ill. I recall saddened feelings when I saw the first family in ICU that was losing their loved one. Twelve or fifteen people stood outside the doorway to one of the ICU rooms, waiting while their loved one died. Oh, how I remember those feelings of sadness as I was standing in a hospital room watching my father die thirteen years ago. Another ‘twilight zone’ feeling.
You just can’t describe the emotions that your body and mind are going through when someone close to you is passing on, expiring, or near death. Here were all these people sobbing and sniffing their noses while I stood in the entrance of a doorway waiting for the final word, ‘ they are gone.’ I would have an uneasy feeling about this every time I saw grievers. Five different families experienced this loss, the whole 21 days while I was there with my son, so there were many grievers.
As I am praying and am thankful, I still have my boy each and every day, but I had to hear and see others that were not so fortunate. I even had to walk past a conversation that one of the ICU nurses was having with a couple about the ‘wishes’ of the dying person. The nurse was so matter of fact with her comments, ‘it is his wish to have life support’ and you have to honor his wishes. I passed by the couple, but our eyes met and the look on each face was of total shock and disbelief. They loved the person, that was clear, but their looks told of a two aching souls that just wanted a little while longer with their loved one. Must this nurse be so cold in her remarks? Oh, yes I told myself, it’s her job. The job was just that, a job to this nurse as I watched that nurse for several days, it was clear that her routine was to come to work, do her job and then to go home. Never did she ever put any feeling into any part of her job, because she might slip and show human emotion.
There were a couple of people I saw on a regular basis, as they were at the ICU area every day, morning, afternoon and evening. People like me that were coming to visit their own loved one in another ICU room. Our faces became familiar with each other. We would say hello to each other every day. One family stands out in my mind as their loved one had been in a motorcycle accident too. The difference was that this patient was that he was hit by a drunken driver. The man was in his late 50’s and had sustained very serious injuries to the lower half of his body. The whole area in between his legs had been, (what the wife described to me), blown out. They were going to surgically put metal plates in the groin area. Then there were two women that were sisters. One sister was the patient’s wife that came every day to see her man in ICU heal. The wife of the accident victim was quite worried and looked as tired as I’m sure as I did. One late evening when I got off the hospital elevator, the two sisters met me again, but this time we sat down in another waiting room by a beautiful fish aquarium and had a little chat. We were comparing notes as we both had been at this hospital for so long. The wife told of the drunken driver, who was a young woman that not only had beer cans all over inside her car but that there was a 17 year old boy, who was sitting in the back seat that was just as drunk as the driver. She went on to tell me the young woman went to court and only got a slap on the wrist and that she had no car insurance. The wife of the injured man said, yes, they had insurance, but they were going to lose everything, even their home, everything as they just couldn’t pay these hospital bills. Then there was the older man that walked with me early in the morning to the entrance of the hospital doors. He told me that his wife that had been burned badly. She had been standing in the kitchen cooking, when grease had splattered on her and then she had caught on fire. She had 2 and 3rd degree burns all over her chest, arms and neck area. I recall one elderly man told of his wife being brought to the hospital because she couldn’t breathe, and that the hospital had released her, but two weeks later they had to have her back in ICU. Then they released her again to go to the fifth floor for her rehabilitation, but they said ‘the staff didn’t know what was wrong with his wife,’ as the staff couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t breathe. The man was in such distress. He said, ‘they have to run more tests that cost more money and he couldn’t pay for it, and that his insurance wouldn’t pay for more tests.’ Each story I listened to and pondered, and then I thought that I’m not alone in my pain of having a loved one with grave injuries, however none of the stories did anything in helping in easing my thoughts. We all agreed that the hospital had some pretty strange ideas on things and agreed that the hospital was very pushy as to releasing patients out of the ICU area too fast. In the unfolding days, I was not shown any real compassion from any member of the staff at this hospital. I found this to be so strange.
Where I Come From, Workin’ Hard To Get To Heaven
Where I come from, people don’t act without showing compassion. Where I come from, a doctor still makes morning and evening rounds in the hospital and if a patient’s family is around, the doctor always stops to talk to them and answer any questions. I never had an interaction or communication with the doctors at the hospital and that was something I was having a hard time understanding, yet alone in accepting. Where I came from, which seemed by now a life time ago, people were pouring out their support for my son. Fundraisers were started to help with the mounting medical expenses. Cards were sent and telephone calls were keeping the lines hot, as everyone wanted to know how ‘Tye’ was doing.
Tye, was a small town boy that grew up around caring people, that not only people remembered this boy (now a grown man), but were reaching out to our family with great support. A long time family friend called me one afternoon and said, ‘Tye was such a special boy, he would help anyone with anything, he was the kind of person that would take off his shirt and give it to you if you needed it more than he did. He always was seen around town helping people.’ How did this accident happen and everyone wanted to know answers that question. I didn’t know, but had the same thoughts. He always road his motorcycle with care, and was never seen driving careless, so why after all these years of owning and driving a motorcycle did this accident happen, but most of all why to “Tye”?
He had his first motorcycle was when he was only 19 years old. He was so proud and showed it off to the family. Being a mother I always had fears about a motorcycle, and for years the family acquired their fun motorized toys, yet I never did see the passion in the toys as they did. I can’t even say, it’s a guy thing, because so many women own and ride motorcycles too.
Remembering words spoken from the wife whose husband was hit by the drunk driver while riding his motorcycle said, “My husband never wants to get back on a motorcycle again.’ I saw the woman for the last time when I moved my son to the 4th floor area, the wife was wheeling a cart out the emergency room doors with her husband’s flowers and items he had in his room while staying at the hospital. I stopped and asked her, “Are you going home already?” She smiled and shook her head saying “yes, we are leaving in the morning.’ I recall asking her in a concerned voice, “Your husband must be doing a lot better?” She replied, “Well, we are going home with hospice care, he still has the ventilator in his neck and he still has all the bandages on him, and I’m so afraid of infection setting in, but he wants to go home.’ What could I say to this woman, my mind was screaming thoughts faster than I could handle. How stupid, doesn’t she know that she will be right back in ICU and does she know how many patients go home after a severe motorcycle accident with a ventilator still in them? Wow, I thought to myself, what people are told, just to be sent home. This woman was going to have real problems in taking care of her husband, but what could I say? She had a smile on her face and was wheeling a cart out the door to go home, and that was more than I was experiencing on our path of recovery.
